Ep 9. How to disagree at work in English - Business English lesson

Disagreeing with people is an important and healthy part of working on a team towards shared goals. The challenge is therefore, how can we do this in a way that protects and even strengthens our professional relationships? It would be great if the only thing we had to do at work was to agree with people. If everyone around us had great ideas, and if our colleagues' suggestions always seemed like the best things to do. However, this is not the case.  A lot of people worry that if they disagree with their co-workers then this could upset them or damage their professional relationships. However, if we do it right, disagreeing with colleagues when it’s appropriate can be great for your team, your career, and your reputation at work.

Today we’re going to hear some tips and ideas for how to disagree with your colleagues, we’ll hear some great natural and native sounding vocabulary that we can use to do this, and then we’ll finish off with some challenges for you. Including a speaking challenge and a vocabulary quiz to see what you’ve remembered from today’s podcast. As always, if you find this podcast useful and helpful please feel free to leave a review on Apple podcasts, it really helps me out. OK, with that said let’s get started. 

Transcript

Welcome back to the Breakout Business English podcast where we help you to communicate better at work. Hi everyone, my name is Chris and I’m a business English coach and tutor. Thank you so much for listening and today’s topic is how to disagree politely, at work. 

It would be great if the only thing we had to do at work was to agree with people. If everyone around us had great ideas, and if our colleagues' suggestions always seemed like the best things to do. However, this is not the case. Disagreeing with people is an important and healthy part of working on a team towards shared goals. The challenge is therefore, how can we do this in a way that protects and even strengthens our professional relationships? A lot of people worry that if they disagree with their co-workers then this could upset them or damage their professional relationships. However, if we do it right, disagreeing with colleagues when it’s appropriate can be great for your team, your career, and your reputation at work.

Today we’re going to hear some tips and ideas for how to disagree with your colleagues, we’ll hear some great natural and native sounding vocabulary that we can use to do this, and then we’ll finish off with some challenges for you. Including a speaking challenge and a vocabulary quiz to see what you’ve remembered from today’s podcast. As always, if you find this podcast useful and helpful please feel free to leave a review on Apple podcasts, it really helps me out. OK, with that said let’s get started. 

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Tip number one is to acknowledge all of, or at least part of the original point. No one really likes to hear that they are wrong, so one thing that we can do to make this hurt less is to show that we think at least something that our colleague said was right. By showing that we agree with something that they’ve said we give our colleague the opportunity to save face even while their point is being disagreed with. If you know that you want to disagree with someone, try listening for something they’ve said that you can agree with. As much as possible we want to keep our interactions with colleagues positive and this is a great way to do this. Let’s take a look at some natural and native sounding examples

I understand where you’re coming from and I just don’t think that’s the right way to go.

That’s a valid point and I think we should consider all of our options. How about…

I see what you’re saying and in this case I think we need to come at this differently.

I really appreciate your perspective and I think we should make sure we’re covered all the options here. How about…

I take your point and I think I see this in a slightly different way

There’s one thing that I did in all of those examples that is really powerful. I never once used the word “but”! You won’t even find the word “however” in there. When we hear “but” or “however” it can sometimes feel like the positive statement that came before it has been thrown in the trash. Instead of getting rid of and ignoring our colleagues' points it’s a far better idea to build on them. Choosing to use “and” instead of “but” in these situations is a really small change that might feel strange at first, but it can make a big difference. I’m not saying that you should stop using the word “but” completely, I’m just saying that when you’re disagreeing with someone it can really help. An alternative here is just to avoid putting a word there altogether. If we look again at our last example, “I take your point and I think I see this in a slightly different way”, we could also say, “I take your point. I think I see this in a slightly different way”. These little changes can make a big difference.

We also heard the phrasal verb to “come at” something. This is a phrasal verb that we heard in the last episode of the podcast so if you’d like to hear more about that feel free to listen to episode 8, once you're finished listening to today’s episode.

Notice that we used the phrasal verb “coming from” here and also the more formal word “perspective” so much of talking about opinions and ideas is talking about location in this way. We might also talk about coming at something from a different angle or understanding someone’s “standpoint” for instance. You could say the same thing about the phrase “the right way to go” which really means the same thing as “the right thing to do”

I think the theme here is to avoid using big, absolute statements like, “I think you’re wrong” or “that’s a bad idea”. Instead, this softer language gives your colleague a chance to change their mind without feeling embarrassed. It makes the process of solving a problem feel a lot more like a team effort where everyone is working together, which is a great goal to shoot for.

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Tip number 2 today has a lot in common with our first tip and this is to identify a shared goal. Sometimes when you’re disagreeing with someone it can be easy to forget that we’re all on the same team, trying to solve the same problems, and achieve the same things. Saying a few words to remind people of this when you’re disagreeing with them is a really helpful way to remind people of what they have in common instead of focussing on the differences in how they view things. Let’s see how this works in practice.

I think we all have the best interests of the project in mind

I know we’re both trying to achieve the same thing here

I think I’m right in saying that everyone here is looking for the same outcome

Let’s bear in mind that we’re both shooting for the same result here

That first example had a great phrase, “the best interests of”. To do something in the “best interests” of someone or something is to behave in a way that benefits that person or thing. For instance, you might buy a phone case because, although your new phone looks pretty cool without it, it’s in the best interests of the phone to protect it. It’s probably also in the best interests of your bank account! Or your boss might say, “I’m going to put you in charge of the team. I trust you to do whatever is in the best interests of the client”. In contrast, something that’s not in the best interests of someone or something would have a negative impact, for instance, “sometimes the client makes choices that aren’t in the best interests of the project”.

Let’s jump now to that last example and we had the phrase, “shooting for”. If you’re shooting for something then you’re trying to achieve that thing. For instance, you might be trying to sell your car and say something like, “I’m shooting for a 10% profit”. We often also use this phrase with time and deadlines, for example, “it’s going to take a little longer to finish the report. We’re shooting for the end of the month.” You might have heard the phrase “aiming for” used in this context and that has a very similar meaning.

One more thing here and that is the meaning of “bear in mind”. To bear something in mind means to remember, or think about something specific while making a decision or doing something else. For instance, your boss might say, “bear in mind the customer is coming a long way for this meeting so they’ll likely be a little tired when they arrive”. Or maybe, “when we’re choosing a new office we need to bear in mind that the team is likely to grow a lot over the next few months”.

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Moving on to tip number 3 and that is to ask people to disconfirm your point. This is a really powerful one, and possibly my favorite on this list. Offering your ideas is great but inviting people to prove you wrong is a powerful idea that will help to ensure that the group is only agreeing on the best ideas. The scientific method works in a similar way. As a general rule, in science, we come up with ideas and then try to prove them wrong. This is also a far quicker way to sort the good ideas from the bad. You might list 20 reasons why an idea can work, but finding one reason that your idea will not work means that you’ll have to throw it out, so why not start with that and save yourself some time! Let’s see how this works in practice:

I may be wrong, and please let me know if you think that I am

Feel free to let me know if I’m going wrong here

If you think I’ve overlooked something then please speak up.

If I’m wrong I’d rather know it so please if there’s something I’m missing here then I’m all ears.

We had two useful pieces of vocabulary in the third example there. Those are to “overlook” something and to “speak up”. Let’s talk about that phrasal verb first. The phrasal verb to “speak up” is one that actually has two different meanings. The first is to speak louder, for instance you might say, “I’m really sorry but I can’t quite hear you. Could you speak up please?” The second however is how I used it in our example and that means to express your opinions and to say what you think openly and honestly. For instance, “I knew this was a bad idea. I should have spoken up in the meeting”. Or maybe, “If you know something I don’t then please speak up”.

The other word there was to “overlook”. Again, overlook has a couple of different meanings in English. In this context however it means to fail to notice or think about something, especially when making a decision. For instance, “When I booked the venue for the meeting I overlooked how far it was from the office. Sorry about that!” Or maybe, “there are a lot of things to consider here. If you overlook anything important then the whole project could fail”. This is generally a more formal word, more informally we might just say that you missed something.

Let’s take a look at one more piece of vocabulary here and that is from our fourth example. There you heard, “I’m all ears”. This is a pretty great one because you can really see why this idiom has the meaning that it does! If you say that you are all ears it means that you are waiting excitedly to hear something. You can use this informal idiom to show that you are not only open to hearing people’s opinions and ideas, but that you are maybe even excited to find out what people think. For instance, “Thanks for listening, if anyone has any questions I’m all ears”.

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Number four is to offer a solution instead of just a criticism. One thing that all professionals should try to do is to add value. The more value that you can add to a discussion or situation, the more valuable you will become as a colleague and an employee. Of course, if you disagree with a point and you don’t have a solution then go ahead and tell everyone. What is far more valuable though is to offer an alternative. Here are some natural and native sounding ways to do that…

If you don’t mind I’ve got an idea I’d like to put forward

My suggestion would be…

If you ask me, the best thing to do is… 

An alternative solution might be… 

The way I see it it would be best to…

In our first example there we heard the phrasal verb to “put forward”. To put something forward means to suggest an idea, a solution, or maybe just offer an opinion. At the end of a meeting the chairperson might say, “I’m really impressed by all of the ideas that have been put forward today”. Or you might ask people, “if anyone has a better idea they’d like to put forward then please do”. A more formal word for this might be “propose” as in, “I’d like to propose an idea”.

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The overall message here is to not assume that disagreeing is going to hurt your career or your reputation with your colleagues. If you have good ideas and you believe in them then it’s your duty to let people know. In English, especially British English, being polite often means being less direct. Replacing things like “I want” with “I think this would be a good idea” or “might it be possible to try this”. Next time you’re deciding how to phrase an idea, think about how you can make it less direct. How to make it more of a suggestion than a demand for instance. 

So let’s try to put all of these ideas together and see what that sounds like. Let’s say that you’re discussing with your colleagues whether to hire someone new or promote someone from inside the company. Let’s hear what that might sound like…

“I appreciate where you’re coming from and I think there are better ways to come at this. The way I see it, it would be best to promote someone into this role rather than hire someone from the outside. I know that we all have the best interests of the team in mind so please feel free to let me know if you think I’m wrong, but from where I’m standing this seems like the right way to go about this”.

Now, you don’t need to use all of these ideas every time like I did there, but feel free to choose the ideas that you think are most useful and build them into the way that you communicate with your colleagues next time you need to disagree at work.

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OK, let’s move on now to some challenges for you. First, let’s have a little vocabulary quiz to see how much of the new vocabulary you’ve heard today you can remember.

Speaking of remembering things, here’s question number one. Which phrase can we use to say that you should remember something or think about something specific while you’re doing something else or maybe while you’re making a decision… This phrase is to bear something in mind. For instance, you should bear in mind that the best way to use this podcast is to choose some pieces of vocabulary and try to use them in your real life. You might even like to take notes from time to time!

OK, onto question number two and that is, which phrase can I use to show that I’m open to hearing ideas, suggestions, opinions, etc. That phrase ends with the name of a body part… That body part is your ears and that phrase is “to be all ears”. For instance, if you have a suggestion for a topic that you’d like me to talk about on the podcast then I’m all ears! Feel free to send me a message!

Let’s move on now to a more formal word. This word means to ignore, or maybe just to fail to notice or miss something. This word begins with the letter O. If you don’t notice something that you perhaps should have then you could say that you overlooked it. For instance, “if you have any ideas for how to disagree with your colleagues that I’ve overlooked please let me know”. Maybe I’ll make a part two of this episode and add them to our list.

And one more question. What does it mean if I say that I’m shooting for something? I might say something like, “this podcast always takes a long time to write but I’m shooting for a new episode every week”. Well, hopefully you can understand from context that “shooting for” is similar to “aiming for” which means that this is my goal. For instance, “I don’t want to work too late tonight so let’s shoot for an 8pm finish”.

OK, finally let’s move on now to a speaking challenge for you! As we mention on every podcast, the best approach to improving your speaking is to actually speak. Finding opportunities to speak is one of the best things that you can do if you’re shooting for better spoken English skills. So right now I’m going to give you a question. When you’re finished listening to this podcast I’d like you to speak for two minutes and answer it. If you want you can record your answer and listen back to it. Maybe you can spot some mistakes that you don’t notice while you’re speaking? Often we can hear mistakes in our spoken English when we’re listening to recordings that we don’t notice when we’re actually speaking. So here’s our question for this podcast: “In what ways do you think that disagreement can be good for a team?” If you want to really challenge yourself here, try to include a story from your own personal experience when answering.

That’s about all we have time for today, thank you so much for listening. If you’re using Apple podcasts then please feel free to leave a review. It really helps me out and helps the podcast to find more people.

Until next time, my name is Chris, thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time on the Breakout Business English podcast.